Lately, I don’t give a crap.

I can’t watch Cable TV without “Political Stuff” making me crazy…

I know that the last few posts made you think that this blog is all about whacking “Political Pinata’s” with a stick, but I swear to you, it’s not.

I mean, we’re REALLY not “politicians.” In fact, we don’t like ‘em. Not one bit.

We’re just average people, trying to take care of our families, the best way we know how.

We’re all about “doing it yourself.”

We’re all about “doing the right thing, just because it’s the right thing to do.”

We’re all about living off-grid and being self-sufficient.

After all, we’re building far flung Bubba Boxes to “Bug Out” to!

We’re  recycling garbage to use as building materials!

We’re re-using anything we can find, to keep the costs down. (After all, it’s about living comfortably, but responsibly, and the rest of you buggers can just “get bent!).

We heat our water using the sun.

We power our homes with photovoltaic panels, and even hot air!

And, there’s no shortage of hot air around here!

Why? Well, because I’m the resident “guru” of… um…er… never mind!

We reload our own ammo.

We even make our own weapons.

Sometimes. Just ask “Three-Fingered Petey”!

Anyway, I can’t afford a vacation, so…

I’ll find some other way to entertain myself, and possibly even YOU. So…  from the “Now I’ve seen EVERYTHING” files:

(I was out looking for cool stuff to dazzle you with.)

Okay… I know, I know… my “sparkling wit” and my endless parading of my vast intellect keeps you entertained for about um… er… three seconds… but…

And speaking of, um… “Butts”;

If you are what you poop… Well then…

Man, you’d think that they would have thought about using a different color. Holy Freakin’ Yuck! I hope the seat’s made of plastic! Ewww!

There’s a rule in inventing stuff that “form should follow function.” And, it seems that Virginia Gardiner is a follower of that rule. She’s devised an energy generating toilet that is actually made from poop.

Now, I know what you’re thinking! Ewwwwww! (I know, I know… I’m thinkin it too!)

Virgina has developed a pooper that transforms human waste into a highly valued commodity… energy.

(Hey, I coulda called it something else. In fact… Nah, never mind.)

That’s right, this toilet creates energy.

No, you nitwit… I’m not talking about “methane…” Keep it to yourself, smarty-pants! This is a “family show…”

DO NOT LOOK AT THE FOLLOWING DIAGRAM!

Like you don’t poop, too? Ah, stop complaining! I told you not to look! What a bunch of whiners!

Anyway… Virginia calls it a “LooWatt.” And she says that it’s a low cost, mechanical commode that has a green streak running thru it.

(Note from Editors wife: “Okay, enough talking about “streaks,” this is getting gross…”)

Where was I? Oh yeah…

Users of the LooWatt are urged to trade in their um… er… “recyclables” for biofuel. She says that this trade will enhance and sponsor community (urban) infrastructures that will encourage proper waste disposal, minimize water-borne illnesses, and provide a regular source of energy.

(But only if you eat your fiber regularly, huh?)

See? Made you look TWICE! Ha! Just wanted to prove that I didn’t make it up!

Where did a “crappy” idea like this come from? Well, some would claim that Virginia has um… er…(say it with me…) poop on the brain. But… she’s just looking for a solution to that 40% of the population that lives without toilets. That’s right, she’s trying to help people in Mississippi. And Alabama. Oh, and quite possibly the Ozarks! Wait… that’s not it…

According to Dwell Magazine (a mag I heartily endorse); “Virginia sought to provide a solution for the 40% of the world’s population that lives without toilets.” It’s a toilet targeted at the third world, folks. In many developing countries the installation of sewage systems is just about impossible, and we all know that improper waste disposal spreads devastating waterborne illnesses that afflict millions.

Hell, around were, we can’t go into the Gulf after it rains because all the sewers back up and then outflow into the water. But, some of the three-eyed fish are really cool lookin! And tasty!

What in the world was she thinking? Well… It seems that this toilet is designed to solve the global sanitation crisis by creating a new infrastructure.

Finally, I’ll have proof that I’m the “King of Crap!”

The “LooWatt” composting toilet is molded from 90% horse dung.

Yep, horse poop. I’m thinking probably those Budweiser Clydesdales, or their Belgian cousins. Why? Because if this toilet is gonna solve 40% of the world’s poop problem, by making toilets outta horsecrap… you’re gonna need some BIGGGG-ASSED  horses to start with. I’m starting to think that this is one a those “corn ethanol” schemes.

“Look, I don’t care if you’re starving… If we don’t feed the horses, you can’t crap. Period. Just deal with it!”

“But… if I don’t eat, I can’t crap anyway! Whaaa?”

The toilet has a built-in biodegradable lining that stores excrement in a sealed, odor-free container. Once the toilet is full, the user takes the poo package to an outdoor biodigestor, which in exchange provides a free source of biofuel for cooking.

Whaaaaat? Okay, now that’s just gross. I gotta starve so a horse can eat enough to mold a pooper outta it’s poop. Then… I have to collect MY poop, and then carry it off to the marketplace, so I can barter it off for “predigested” biofuel, to cook with? Nuh-uh! I’d rather poop in a hole!

According to experts, the LooWatt has been exhibited around the world, was awarded an honorable mention from the AIGA Aspen Design Challenge, and was a finalist in the Buckminster Fuller Challenge.

Me thinks they were pushing this “exhibit” stuff a bit too far. There are just some things I DON’T want to see!

Okay… so that’s why my “Bubba Box Corten Castle” design didn’t win. It wasn’t worth um… er… “poop.”

If you think this “haul your poop outta the toilet and take it downtown…” is a good idea, well… you’re probably nuts. But, in a way (okay, you REALLY have to look for it) it makes some sense. Not MY kinda sense, but I’m not exactly the smartest person on the planet. After all, I do live in Mississippi, and I did have another kid, at 50. See? Not too bright!

The people at LooWatt would like you to know that if you’d like to help push the project along, a small donation will net you your very own “poo gem” – a dodecahedron molded from horse manure (makes a swell paperweight, gift or toy!).

Yeah that’s just what I need sitting on the mantle…

“Hey! What’s this thing?”

“Well, it’s a… um…er… you really don’t wanna know. But I put it up here because my kid kept trying to put it in his mouth!”

Hey, pony up a bit more cash, and it’ll net you a lovely deer-head candle holder – just the thing to brighten those dungy, dingy, interior spaces.

Ah man… I’m holding out for one of those “singing fish,” made outta poo-poo. At least they sound like they’re made outta crap!

But, I’ve gotta draw this post to a close. You go off and think about what we’ve learned here… whatever that was!

Me? I’m gonna go eat some more broccoli. I’ve got some tradin to do…

“What? MY poop is worth way more than YOUR poop. Aren’t you paying attention? I’m the KING OF CRAP! I’m gonna need three bags of biofuel if you wanna trade!”

And I thought that “Carbon Trading” was crazy…

PS. I was just kidding… about “Alabama.” Kinda. As for the rest of the stuff… You were thinking it too! Admit it! I’m not the only one who thinks like this! Or am I? Uh-oh… And remember, we accept donations. But NOT poop! I mean, I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble with the Post Office…

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